We Can't Be Together
by Elektra Elentari
Summary: As soon as I held the mug out to him, I felt its temperature. "Sorry." I said "It's cold." I looked down, but he put his hand over mine. "I like cold!" he said smiling. I could feel my cheeks turn red.


**I know I should update Everything has Changed and that I said that I couldn't write much, but this plot bunny had been in my head for ages and I had to write it! This is my first Harry Potter story so apologies if it's not great...**

 **Disclaimer: If I did own anything, you would be reading this in a book with my name on the cover :)**

I stared out the window. It was exactly a month since my cousin Sirius Black had died, killed by Death Eater Bellatrix Lestrange. I partly blamed myself for his death, if I hadn't been so careless and had faced Bellatrix better, I might have been there to help him. But instead, I had been beaten and was unable to help anyone.

If only I could have saved him. A tear rolled down my cheek as I thought of the Battle of the Department of Mysteries and of Sirius. I wiped it away. There was no use crying over it, I couldn't change it! Yet this thought made it hurt even more. I morphed my hair a mousy brown, there was no use keeping it its bright pink colour when I felt so terrible.

I was alone. The rest of the Order had gone on a mission but I had chosen to stay behind with the excuse that I wasn't feeling very well. They seemed to have believed me but as they left, Remus had given me a look which told me that he didn't. I was now sitting by the window, waiting for them to return.

I just wanted to sit on my own. I didn't care for how long. Being alone left me time to think and thinking helped clear my mind. I didn't want any of the Order to see me cry. I was an Auror, I was supposed to be strong, not cry like a child!

The others were taking a long time. After deciding that I had had enough thinking, I got up to make some tea. I opened the cupboard and took out a teapot. My hands were shaking and I dropped it. _'Great!'_ I thought _'Being clumsy again!'_ I took out my wand and said _"Reparo"_. The teapot mended and flew back into my hands. Determined not to drop it, I put it on the table and proceeded to make the tea. When I was finished, I took a mug and poured some in. _'At least you didn't break this too!'_ I thought.

I picked up the mug but didn't drink the tea. I instantly put it down again. I could hear someone coming. It couldn't be the Order, they would all return together. Drawing my wand again, I walked to the door quietly. I waited for it to open and then jumped from my hiding spot. _"Expelliarmus!"_ I said and the wizard's wand flew out of his hand. I was about to stun him when he said "Tonks it's me!"

"Oh, Remus." I put my wand away "Where are the others?"

"On their mission." Remus replied and entered the house "I thought I'd come and see how you were going."

"Oh!" I realised it had to do with my lie about not feeling well "I'm better!" I managed to say. Remus took his coat off and I followed him inside. I didn't want to say anything else, knowing that it would lead to Sirius. I didn't want to talk about Sirius, especially not with Remus. I didn't want to make a fool of myself in front of another member of the Order.

But on the other hand, I remembered that Sirius had been one of Remus' best friends, maybe even his best friend. I realised that I wasn't the only one who was feeling the pain of his loss. I wasn't alone. Maybe if she spoke to him, he would help me deal with his death. I rejected the thought almost as soon as I made it for the same reason as before. I didn't want anyone to think I was weak, not even someone who might understand me.

"Nymphadora, I know it's hard!" Remus' voice disturbed my thoughts. If it was someone else, I could have hexed him for calling me Nymphadora, but I knew that Remus only called me like that when we had to talk about something serious. I knew almost everything about him. I denied it if someone asked me, but the truth was that I was in love with Remus.

He seemed to understand me and whenever he was there, he created this atmosphere that made me feel like everything was alright. Even now, he made me feel better, but I still didn't want to talk to him.

"We all miss him!" he continued "If you want to talk about it, I'm here for you."

Remus left the room. For the first time after Sirius' death, I felt like I wasn't a burden to everyone. Remus understood me. He wanted me to talk to him about Sirius. He wanted to _help_ me. Before I could think of anything else I was running in the corridors of 12 Grimmauld Place to find him.

When I did, I ran up to him and just started crying. I knew it was stupid, but I hugged him, just to feel good. "It's my fault he's dead!" I said in between sobs.

"It's not your fault Nymphadora!" Remus said "If it _is_ someone's fault, it's definitely not yours!"

" _I_ was battling Bellatrix. I should have fought better and that way she wouldn't have killed him. If I hadn't been so stupid and let her defeat me, Sirius would still be alive!"

Even though I was saying all these terrible things, I actually felt better. I was telling someone what I felt, what I really felt, and that was helping me.

"Tonks, no matter what you did, Bellatrix would have killed him! She's heartless and just another ordinary Black! She wants pure blood and definitely not 'traitors' like Sirius. She would have killed him sooner or later." Remus said and pulled me out of his arms. He held my shoulders so I was looking at him. "Never blame yourself about Sirius' death! Never!" he said.

I nodded. I believed him. It was good to finally open up, to say what I felt. Especially to him. Not just because he was a great person, but also because I felt that connection with him which is called love. It was stupid, but I couldn't help it.

"Would you like me to get you some tea?" I asked and went back to the kitchen. I took the mug that was originally meant for me, and took it with me. I didn't have to go far, Remus had followed me and was standing at the entrance of the kitchen.

As soon as I held the mug out to him, I felt its temperature. "Sorry." I said "It's cold." I looked down, but he put his hand over mine. "I like cold!" he said smiling.

I could feel my cheeks turn red.

* * *

Remus and I were on duty. The Order had gone in small groups to patrol in case Death Eaters turned up. Mad-Eye had taken Kingsley with him to search for something. He didn't tell the rest of us what, he liked keeping things secret. He paired the rest of us up to make sure no Death Eaters were coming.

I had to admit I was excited to be paired with Remus. Since I had talked to him that day, two weeks ago, I fell more and more in love with him as the days went by.

And the more I fell in love with him, the more I wanted to tell him how much I loved him! How much I wanted him to love me back!

I had written to mum to tell her that I was in love. It was something little girls do, write to their mothers for advice, but she had always wanted to hear about my first love. She always told me about when she and dad met at school. And then how they ran away together and got married.

She told me that she was happy. That was mostly what her letter said, but she did write some advice to me too. She told me to tell him how I feel when I felt ready to do so. For some funny reason I pictured the moment I was ready like a moment when we would be walking across some riverbank, in the moonlight, just us. We would be talking and then I'd tell him that I love him.

I never imagined that it would be a dark night, with only the light of our wands lighting up for us while we were on Order duty.

We were hiding behind some bushes. I had lit out my wand, so that it wouldn't attract too much attention. We were so close, I swear I could feel his breathing on my skin.

"Can you see anything?" I whispered to him. I knew he didn't like to be reminded of his lycanthropy, but he had the best eyesight in the dark than any of us. He shook his head. "At least not yet." he said. I wanted to reply but didn't know what to say.

It was completely irrelevant to tell him my feelings towards him, but it was the only thing I could say. "Remus," I began "I..." I felt like something wasn't allowing me to speak! "I need to tell you something!" I finally said. "It's very serious!" I added. It didn't feel right, but I knew that that was the moment I had been waiting for for so long.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Remus," my heart was beating so hard I was sure he could hear it. I knew how I had to do it, I would just say it! No introduction, just get to the point! "I love you! I have for a long time now!" There, I had said it!

What followed was what frightened me most. There was silence. That deafening silence made me feel so uncomfortable! It made me feel like I was about to hear the worst, that he didn't love me back. If he did say that, it would break my heart.

"Nymphadora..." He had broken the silence. That was it! He was about to tell me something serious! I knew what it would be, he didn't love me! I could feel the tears beginning to form in my eyes. I knew that I would soon let them fall, for the sake of my broken heart. I was an Auror, yet I had allowed myself fall in love, and therefore allowed someone to break my heart. I wasn't a right Auror! They are supposed to be strong. And yet here I was, the Auror who had defied that law.

"If that is true, then it is one of the greatest thing I've ever heard!" said Remus. I couldn't believe that he had just said that, that that was his voice which had told me that he _did_ love me! I was watching for murderous Death Eaters, but I couldn't feel happier! Remus loved me and that's all that mattered for me. It was enough to make he smile my first smile since Sirius' death.

I wanted to kiss him, but I knew that if the other members of the Order caught us, we would get in trouble for not doing our duty. I was right, not long after, Kingsley came to tell us that they were done. He asked us how the watch went and we said that it was fine, leaving out the last few minutes.

On our way back to Headquarters, I couldn't stop looking at him. The way his face lit up in the light of the moon made it so beautiful, despite his scars. To me, they were a sign of how far he was willing to go to not hurt the ones he loved, a sign of bravery and loyalty to others.

When once he looked at me too, I smiled and blushed. Then we turned away, so no one would notice the way we looked at each other. I wished Sirius or mum or dad were there. Mum and dad would be so happy for me! And Sirius... Well he would joke about us falling in love, his cousin and his best friend, but I knew he would later whisper into my ear that he was happy, and smile.

As soon as I was in the privacy of the room I slept in at 12 Grimmauld Place, I wrote a letter to mum to tell her my good news. I couldn't sleep that night, but when I managed to, my dreams were all about him.

* * *

We were very busy! I don't know what go into Dumbledore and Mad-Eye but they were driving us crazy for ages! We had a new mission every say, each time something different. I knew it all had to do with one thing, but it was Dumbledore's fashion to make things seem like they weren't related to each other.

This went on for a week. All this time, I hardly ever got a private moment with Remus. When we did, it was only for a few seconds, not enough to talk. It wasn't as if I didn't enjoy my Auror work, I loved it, but I hoped I would get a break sometime.

Of course, with Voldemort back, we had to do everything possible to prevent his victory. Most importantly, we had to get Harry Potter to Headquarters by the end of July. Most Order meetings were about this, but we never seemed to agree on something! It was a real pain to have to argue every day! I was relieved when we finally reached a decision.

But then there was more. We had to decrease Death Eater attacks, protect Muggleborns, Muggles, move people to safer places. It was possible we even had fighting to do sometimes. Luckily we didn't lose anyone!

Then one evening came the moment I had been waiting for.

We were at Godric's Hollow. We had information that some Death Eaters might appear in order to attack Muggleborns. Dumbledore wasn't there, he was on another mission. Mad-Eye decided to pair us up to patrol a part each. "I'll go with Kingsley and Tonks, you go with Remus!" were the last pairs he made. I hid my excitement. "If you see the Death Eaters or anything happens make green sparks and someone will come!" Kingsley said.

We moved to our position. Remus didn't say anything as we walked. I had noticed that he was quiet and paler than usual today. It reminded me of something, I didn't know what. I was afraid that something had happened, something bad.

We hid as well as we could and kept our eyes wide open for any sign of the Death Eaters. "You know I was thinking about you all this time, all these days!" Remus whispered to me about half an hour since we were hiding "It was the only thing I could think about!" I wanted to tell him that I was also thinking about him so much.

"What's your favourite colour?" I asked him smiling. He thought about it for a moment.

"Green." he answered "Not Slytherin green, a forest green if you understand me."

I morphed my hair the closest colour to his description I could. "Like this?" He smiled. I don't know how it happened, but soon we were so close to each other, as if we were about to kiss.

Our lips were nearly touching when he tensed. He got up hurriedly, terrified. I turned around because I thought he had seen someone, but I didn't see anyone. "Remus what is it?" I made my way closer to him but he didn't allow me to get near him. "Get away from me!" he said frightened.

What was he saying? He was almost paralyzed, looking at the sky. I looked behind me to where he was looking. I realised what had happened. The light of day had faded, and Godric's Hollow was lit by the light of the full moon. That's why Remus was looking so bad all day. How had he forgotten that it was a full moon?

I lifted my wand and said _"Verdillious!"_ Green sparks flew from the tip of my wand. I knew that the others would come, but there wasn't enough time. Remus would transform any moment now. "Run!" he told me and ran into the woods that were close by.

A little bit before the rest of the Order arrived, running, I heard a scream from the woods. "Tonks, are you alright? We saw the moon even before your sparks!" Kingsley told me. I nodded. "Why didn't Remus tell us it was a full moon?" Mad-Eye asked us. I didn't know what to say. What he had told me was ringing in my head _"I was thinking about you all this time, all these days!"_ It was my fault! If he hadn't wasted his time thinking about me, he would have remembered that the full moon was tonight.

A cackling laugh pierced the air. Turning around, we saw Bellatrix, her husband and their fellow Death Eaters were there. We began fighting. I disarmed a few, stunned some and petrified a few others, but I left the battle because I couldn't concentrate! I apparated to a place where they wouldn't find me.

It hurt knowing that this moment, while I was alright, the one I loved, the one whose eyes were my favourite colour, the one whose face was the meaning of bravery to me, the one who I would do anything for was tearing himself apart! I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. I morphed my hair back to their old mousy brown taking a last look at Remus' favourite colour.

At some point, Molly came and found me. She sighed and then sat down next to me. "It must have been frightening!" she said. I sniffed and said "Yes, it was!" I was part lying because that wasn't the reason I was like that. But it had frightened me. Not what happened but mostly how he treated himself. The moment he saw the moon, he went as far away from me as possible and wouldn't allow me to go near him, as if he was a monster!

He wasn't! I wanted to tell him, but according to Sirius he'd always been like that. When that werewolf bit him, it ruined his life, because he thought that he was no one anymore, just a danger to others. I couldn't believe it! Molly gave me her hand and helped me up. "He'll be alright tomorrow, you see!" she told me encouragingly.

But he wasn't better the next morning! After breakfast, I went to his room to give him a cup of tea. He was lying on his bed covered in bandages. He seemed to be asleep, so I tiptoed and put the cup on his bedside. I sat down and looked at his face. I had memorized every single scar on his face and I knew which ones were the new ones. I softly touched his hair and then got up to leave.

As I headed to the door I heard Remus groan. "Stay." he said. I made my way back to where I was before. "Are you alright?" I asked him.

"It was worse last night!" he said without opening his eyes.

"I'm sorry!" I said. I felt the need to apologise.

"It's not your fault! It's mine! I should have been more careful. I knew it was a full moon but when we were paired together I wanted to stay with you, I'd forgotten how dangerous I am!"

"Remus you're not dangerous!"

He didn't answer. We remained silent for some time. I opened my mouth a few times but didn't have anything to say. I thought he had fallen asleep again after some minutes. But then he opened his eyes and I saw those beautiful eyes which struck me every time I saw them.

"Nymphadora," he said "We can't be together!" Those five words were like knives stabbing my heart.

"I'm too old for you, too poor and too dangerous! I could have hurt you yesterday. If I'd bitten you you'd have a cursed life!" he was trying to explain, but I couldn't accept what he had just told me.

"I don't care!" I said. I really didn't. I just needed his love, nothing more.

"I'm sorry but we can't..." Before he could finish his sentence, ran out of the room and into mine. _"Colloportus!"_ I said and locked the door. I sat on my bed and cried. I cried for a long time. I knew what it was like now, to have your heart broken. Several times someone knocked on my door, but I didn't open it.

I could only cry. Because I loved him. I loved him and didn't care if he was a werewolf! I loved him, but he thought that we couldn't be together.

THE END

 **Sorry it's so sad :( I hope you liked it though. Please review and let me know what you think ;)**


End file.
